Setting the ground rules.
- Stick Together – Everyone must pay attention and participate.
- No Hurts – No hurting anyone physically or emotionally by actions or with words.
- Have Fun – This exercise is about having fun as a family and bonding together.
Checking in.
Ask questions such as:
- Tell us something that no one knows about you
- If I could be any animal I would be?
- Silliest thing I have ever done
- When I grow up, I want to be (parents answer with their dream job)
- Best and worst part of the day (Highs and lows)
Skill building.
Regulation skills are a must for families caring for kids from difficult beginnings. Everyone can benefit from practicing deep breathing, doing stretches or wall pushups, or utilizing pressure points on the face to act as a calming activity when emotions are running high. One example of a facial pressure point is called ‘the magic mustache’ because you put your index finger under your nose and press. The magic mustache really works because pressing under the nose activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms the body down. Any one of these are ways that can help calm down when stress begins to build and before things get to the dysregulation point.
Giving and receiving nurture.
Because this is often the most difficult for kids coming from a trauma, abuse, or neglect background, you will break this part up into two sections, with a fun teaching time in between. For the first part, you will practice giving and receiving care with one another, pairing up with the person sitting next to them. You will take a stash of Band-Aids and ask each pair to take turns asking if the other has a physical or emotional hurt. The partner asking the question then puts a Band-Aid on the hurt.
Note: for emotional hurts, they can place the band-aid in an easy spot such as the arm or heart. It is suggested that when asking where the hurt is, the asker establishes eye contact and speaks in a gentle voice. The pair switches to the other partner and repeats the process.
Additional ideas for practicing caring and nurturing is to apply lotion to someone’s hands or take turns rubbing each other’s back. Always ask your partner before attempting this safe touch.
Fun with teaching ‘right way/wrong way’.
“Wrong way/right way” is a great game to use with puppets or acting out. The participants show the “wrong way” and the “right way” to do something.
- What is the wrong way/right way to respond when your sibling comes into your room without asking?
- What is the wrong way/right way to act when told you can’t do something that your sibling can do?
Use what you already see happening in the family to practice doing the right/wrong in a silly exaggerated way. This disarms the shame in being ‘caught’ messing up and gives everyone an opportunity to practice the ‘right way’ while having fun together.
Back to nurturing through feeding each other candy.
Select food or candy that each person enjoys. Lifesavers or Cheerios on a straw gets everyone giggling. Have them take turns again, respectfully asking the other, “Can I feed you this piece of candy?” Allow each person to take turns feeding and accepting candy from one another. A respectful answer of, ‘no, thank you’ is all that is needed to be allowed a pass.
Time to talk about feelings.
Toss or roll a ball and share something that makes you sad, disappointed, frustrated, etc. This helps teach the importance of naming feelings and normalizes big feelings.
Close by reviewing the rules again and include some sort of closing activity. Perhaps you can develop a family handshake, do a ‘hand hug’ (taking turns squeezing hands around the circle) or some other sort of activity that signifies you are all in this together. Some families may wish to close in prayer or in reading some meaningful scripture or other material.
Closure
Close by reviewing the rules again and include some sort of closing activity. Perhaps you can develop a family handshake, do a ‘hand hug’ (taking turns squeezing hands around the circle) or some other sort of activity that signifies you are all in this together. Some families may wish to close in prayer or in reading some meaningful scripture or other material.
